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Staring at myself too much

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Today was a “look at Felicia’s face” day.  Ugh.   Between rehearsing sides in the mirror for an audition, watching the gag reel for The Guild being edited, and picking out which new headshots I want to upload for my agents to see, I’m pretty much sick of my own face.  Like, seriously.

The funny thing is, I think most actors DON’T like to see themselves.  The whole goal of “good work” is to be un-self conscious, which is hard when your business is your face and body.  Most human beings don’t get the opportunity to analyze their own expressions minutely, so it’s only actors/models who get paranoid that the bottom of their nose moves when they talk, or their teeth look like they could gnaw off a hand if they smile too wide.

I guess that’s why I like doing comedy.  Because you can mock yourself if you trip or stumble over a line, or generally look like an idiot, which happens to me a lot.   Anyway, I’m pretty excited that a gag reel of The Guild will be online, along with a spiffier Guild website in the coming week, and a new episode will be up in about two.

The REAL drama today was the headshot.  Oh boy.  Getting new acting headshots taken is like jamming salt in your eyeballs.  The inside of you is like, “Sell yourself!  Be sparky!”  and at the same time, “try to look natural, stupid!”.  It usually ends up that half the photos have a maniacal smile, with a gleam of desperation in the eyeball.   Or your eyes are dead, like a fish on ice.  Not really hireable.   It’s a hard thing to get one good picture, and there’s no wonder that the main one I’m still using has hair that is chin-length, from two years ago.  Oops.

I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this, but I notice it’s amazing how different clothes bring out different aspects of my personality.  In a big chunky sweater, or a spaghetti-strap tank, the things the camera picks up are startlingly different.    Also, I notice that when I had short hair, especially when it was REALLY short, I was a lot spunkier and outgoing.  More confrontational.  Now, I feel more reserved and I wonder if that’s a question of being perceived/feeling more feminine?  It’s weird.

I’ll post the winning photo on here when it’s determined. Oh ya.  I guess I should update the website gallery too.  Oh God, more face.

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